The Whole Life

Chipping away, day by day

Early birdie!

It’s so awesome to wake up early and not feel the pangs of the night before. Today I feel free and clear. That familiar haze is gently letting go. It’s amazing how many things and people go unnoticed when a hang over is being nursed. I’ve over looked so much and so many opportunities, big and small, from just being hung over and not wanting to leave my apartment. It’s 7 am and I have so much ENERGY! Imagine all the things I can do, places I can go and people I can meet with more hours added into each and every day.

Coffee coffee coffee!

Since beginning AA my coffee intake has more than doubled. I am now adding shots of espresso to my iced toddies and drinking a tall cup of hot tea afterwards. If it’s not one thing it’s another, right? Well, good thing I have a plan of ACTION. A course for my discourse. 90 days will be slowly approaching me, 90 of sobriety topped with meetings, once 90 days have passed next to go will be the ecig. Then the coffee. Currently I am making a savage attempt to mediate my diet, however the little voice inside of my head reasons with me, that because I am no longer ingesting almost 1000 extra calories per day in booze, it’s totally okay for me to eat whatever the hell I want. The ongoing outcome that I wish for myself is to live a healthy and fulfilling life. I want to feel good, naturally, literally naturally, not like “naturally I want to feel good”, you get the point.

AA and Lunch.

Just got back from an amazing lunch meeting in Mission Hills. The meeting was hosted at a restaurant called The Huddle. Really quaint little breakfasty lunchy spot. Great food, great vibes, people as welcoming and loving as ever. I’ll definitely be stapling this meeting to each and every Tuesday. Anytime good food is involved, I’m down. Like really down. Loved it. Met some more young people and received some good suggestions for future meetings. I’m so excited that I feel like I’m just going to pop. Now I’m taking a few minutes to relax at home, going to head back out in a few to run some errands, meeting with my sponsor tonight then band practice. Lots of really positive things afoot. Just gotta put my shoes on and go.

One big plus about not drinking alcohol: my skin looks fantastic. My face was really showing the signs of alcoholism. Acnefied, leathery looking skin is beginning to go back into time. Stoked.

Sunday funday.

Today was a good, full, sober day. I am officially at day 7 of sobriety and went to my 8th AA meeting. I got called on to share, which was awesome. Last Sunday I was called on to share and let’s just say that my share this Sunday was a bright contrast of my share last Sunday. I really really appreciate sharing. It forces me to be open and honest about my feelings. I notice that I rarely can even recall what I say because I get into a nervous zone that seems to wipe my memory, but I know it feels good. I am so grateful for AA and all the people that I have met thus far. I am so stoked that I just want to run around the streets and sing. I haven’t felt this way in so long. So so so sooooo long. Gosh. I am elated.

If the Presidio Park hill and myself were to get into a knife fight, I’d win.

Not so anonymously an alcoholic.

So last week, after falling right back into my old habits after 3 weeks of “sobriety”, I finally decided that I could not successfully conquer this addiction alone. I asked a person who was a complete stranger, to take me to an AA meeting. John, who is currently 2 1/2 years into his recovery, took me to my first meeting last Sunday. I was very apprehensive at first, only knowing what I ignorantly assumed, however by the time the meeting ended on Sunday, I was in tears. My tears were caused by the love and the powerful support that I received from strangers that night. People whom I could finally relate to. People who understood the struggle. I can’t tell you enough how very wrong I was about AA. The very next day I asked a woman who spoke at Sunday nights meeting to be my sponsor. Her acceptance was based on the terms that I “never have another drink of alcohol” and that I “do whatever she says to achieve this goal”. I put all my chips in and accepted the challenge.

Fast forward almost an entire week later, I’ve been completely sober for 6 days and I’ve already gone to 7 meetings. Part of the program is to go to 90 meetings in 90 days, and this is a goal which I have chosen to complete. I’m excited. For the very first time in years, I feel hope. For the very first time I can picture my life completely without alcohol. I know it isn’t going to be easy, however I am encouraged to just take it one day at a time. Being under the influence of something or other for the past 8 or 9 years of my life, I feel like I don’t even know who the real me is. I’m excited to meet her. I’m excited to see what she accomplishes. I want to get to know her real wants and desires. For anyone who is questioning the program, I am 100% for it. I am a believer in this medicine. I believe that it works, just as long as it is taken as prescribed.